Happily Ever After

I had the great pleasure of attending a wedding this weekend…

I love weddings.

They are such a happy and wonderful time and for just a minute… for just one day, nothing else matters but love. For just one day… it really, honestly feels like the divorce rate can’t be what they say it is. For one day we can all believe that love really is real.

And I can tell you this from experience. When it’s all said and done, I can promise you that no wedding dress drama, or bees at the rehearsal dinner, or groomsmen ripped shirts matters. None of it holds any weight. And when you look back on your wedding day… you will always smile.

I think it’s really special to be invited to participate in that special time for someone. I love weddings. I almost always go… no matter how far. No matter how much it costs. I love them.

But this weekend the wedding was for one of my dearest friends. That, of course, makes the event just that much more special. But this particular wedding and this particular friend hold a little more weight than most. And I’ll tell you why…

But first know that this story isn’t all happy. There are a lot of really sad and difficult parts… and I’m planning to be frank about them (okay Lo?) but I promise you that it has a happy ending. And isn’t a happy ending happy because of the rough road that leads to it? I think so…

I met Lo Down under somewhat of unusual circumstances, considering the fact that I have just come from her wedding.

She was introduced to me as the girlfriend of a guy I used to date. Now, I had heard all about her, and lucky for all of us, our joint past flame and I had remained close friends after the end of our quote on quote: relationship, so things weren’t as weird as they might sound.

The weird part really had nothing to do with the fact that I used to see her current boyfriend. The weird part was the fact that SHE was now dating this particular gentlemen. Don’t let me undersell Rossco- her boyfriend. He is a great friend of mine and my friendship with him is a very important one in my life, but Lo Down is a knock out. She is tall as can be, dark chocolate hair, brilliant eyes… overall major hottie. Any guy would be lucky to have her, and because we knew Rossco to be somewhat of a homebody, it just didn’t quite fit that he had somehow scored this exotic lady.

And to make matters even more crazy… Lo was completely enamored with this guy. She just couldn’t get enough of him.

As time passed, years to be frank, their odd connection seemed less and less strange and more and more the norm. Once two people have been together long enough, and around you frequently enough… anything will start to make sense.

In 2006, if I am remembering correctly, Lo was given the amazing opportunity to attending the British American Drama Academy. Yes, this is the very same amazing program that I brag about all the time. I attended in 2005 along with Rossco and MacTen and a few other blog regulars.

It was during this summer apart that Rossco and Lo’s relationship took a turn…

Looking back, I think anyone who spends a summer apart comes to one of two conclusions. They either decide that they are not meant to be, or they decide that they really want to take the relationship to the next level. Lo was waiting on the ‘next level’ side of things when Rossco made the rash decision to go along with that idea.

They got engaged.

I have to tell you that when I found out about the engagement, I was shocked. I was shocked because as much as I had gotten used to their relationship, I still was immediately put on edge at the thought of their marriage. Don’t misunderstand me… this had NOTHING to do with my feelings for Rossco at all. Lo had become a very good friend of mine and although I couldn’t possibly say anything to her about my doubts, I couldn’t really turn my back on my hesitations either. It was a really weird time. And I know that I was not the only one close to her who was feeling off about the seemingly out-of-the-blue engagement.

When Lo got back from Europe it was clear to me that her excitement didn’t match her finances. He seemed almost aloof, while she threw herself into wedding planning. I think this was the biggest red flag for me. It almost felt like she was burying the both of them so far into their impending marriage so that neither of them could get out.

There was a very expensive, very nice ring.

Then there was a wedding venue…

And a dress…

And a move to San Fransisco……..

And then there came the inevitable break up. Of course it only FELT inevitable to me. It was inevitably devastating for her.

I say this with so much love, Lo, when I say that I hate that I saw that coming. Of course it had nothing to do with my beautiful friend… and it really had nothing to do with Rossco either. Sometimes two people just don’t fit. Sometimes people make it work, sometimes they are able to force it for a while.. and sometimes they just can’t. Maybe they weren’t ready? Maybe it was rash? I don’t know what brought them to their end and to be honest, only they know for sure… and I bet they would both give you different reasons if you asked.

The point is… the damage was done.

And I stand here as a married woman myself and I can tell you that I have NO IDEA how Lo got through that. I thought of her the whole year leading up to my wedding with Burny. I thought of her when we booked the DJ, and the caterer, and when we sent out the invites. I kept thinking that there are no guarantees in life… Burny could have decided at any moment that I wasn’t the one for him…

I don’t know how I would have survived it.

And I watched my friend Lo survive.

Granted, she didn’t always survive gracefully. But who expected her to? I remember her threatening to fight Raps- our friend- on several occasions. I had never really considered Lo a violent person… well, not until she tried to fight ME for honestly no reason at all. She said that she just wanted me to know that she could kick my ass.

Trust me, she was getting no argument from me. The girl was a giant with no fear and nothing to lose… I’m no idiot.

I watched her go through crushes…

I watcher her attempt to be friends with Rossco, and attempt to be okay with my continued friendship with him…

I watched her fight with him and fight with us.

I watched her change her life from one plan to another to another.

I watched her move in with Raps and MacTen and jump from one of their beds to the other based on whoever was home at the time.

I watched her die a little bit. I watched her break apart.

She tried to keep it together and she did a damn good job of it… but she broke in not so obvious ways. There were not too many break-down-and-cry moments… but there were little changes. Little splinters.

Like I said, I can’t pretend to imagine what that was like for her. And as her friends, we kind of just stood back and let her go where the wind was going to blow her. What else was there to do?

Ultimately, she and I came to the same conclusion at the same time: it was time to move home.

We were both living in San Diego at the time. We were both Nor Cal originals but San Diego had held onto us past our college graduation… and after her San Fransisco move and return, she found herself alone and lost… which just so happened to be exactly where I was hanging out.

We had a joint going away party. It was an L and W party. Guests had to dress as something that started with an L or a W. I am clearly ‘Laundry’ and Lo is ‘Wonder Woman’…. Raps and Mac are obviously dressed up as Lo and I.

We moved back to our hometowns with no real goals or plans in mind. We just knew that we were lost in the world and sometimes when you’re lost in the world… the best thing to do is go back and tag base.

I can promise you that the LAST thing on my mind was a relationship. But I was officially dating Burny within a week of moving home.

Life never asked me what my plans were.

Lo was the very first of my friends to meet him. She came to visit me the first weekend we were both at home… we still needed a taste of San Diego to get through the days. SD is like a terrible and wonderful drug. I still struggle with relapsing…

Lo was laying right next to me when Burny and I had our first kiss. She told me to kiss him. She is the reason we took it from friendship to a relationship… and we know what came after that.

I remember when Lo called me and told me that she too had reconnected with someone who she met in high school. That’s how Burny and I met. She said she thought he was the one. I hadn’t even met him yet, but there was something about the way she was talking about him… she was so calm. Before that I don’t think that I would have described my friend Lo as ‘calm.’ It was refreshing.

I was nervous, yes. Of course. I didn’t want her to get hurt again. I didn’t know whether or not this jerk knew that he was holding onto taped together pieces of a person! That is a big responsibility.

She brought him up to meet me in the few months before my wedding. I knew she was planning to bring him as her date and I was very much anticipating my first impression of this guy. After all, all of our joint SD friends were looking to me to make the call; was this guy legit or not!?

I opened the door and immediately noticed that he was about a foot shorter than she was- which was not uncommon… she is a giant after all- and that he was smiling. He threw his arms open, yelled ‘MrsWaterCloset’ and hugged me.

I couldn’t help but laugh. And I couldn’t help but like him. He is a likable guy, what can I say? He reminded me of me. 🙂 They say that we seek out our parents in a mate… I disagree. I think we seek out our funniest friend.

And I noticed something else once we sat on the couch and started chatting. Lo didn’t seem like pieces of a person anymore. She seemed happy. She seemed content and at peace. And more haunting than anything else was this calmness…

I went to their wedding this weekend.

I can honestly say, and not just because I know she will read this, that I had no doubts and no hesitations. I could not help but think as she walked down the aisle that life has a way of getting us each to our own happy endings. If it weren’t for Rossco and her broken engagement, maybe she would have wound up at the end of the wrong aisle… or only half way lost, which is much worse than all the way lost if you ask me.

God only knows…

And when I watched her dance her first dance with the guy who hugged me instead of shaking my hand, I cried. I cried because she was 100% herself. She wasn’t making concessions to be with him, or compromising anything. She wasn’t pretending or rushing or pushing or forcing. It just was because it fit. They fit. And they both looked so comfortable. And so happy.

I think it’s so important that your significant other bring out the best in you. Not only the best in you, but the best version of you. Lo is the BEST version of herself with LightSaber. And he, the best version of himself with her.

I love happy endings. They are magical. They are hopeful. They are real.

I witnessed a happy ending this weekend. And the best thing about happy endings… is that they are also beginnings…

Congrats Lo Down and LightSaber! May you always know each other’s hearts.

Happily Ever After

I had the great pleasure of attending a wedding this weekend…

I love weddings.

They are such a happy and wonderful time and for just a minute… for just one day, nothing else matters but love. For just one day… it really, honestly feels like the divorce rate can’t be what they say it is. For one day we can all believe that love really is real.

And I can tell you this from experience. When it’s all said and done, I can promise you that no wedding dress drama, or bees at the rehearsal dinner, or groomsmen ripped shirts matters. None of it holds any weight. And when you look back on your wedding day… you will always smile.

I think it’s really special to be invited to participate in that special time for someone. I love weddings. I almost always go… no matter how far. No matter how much it costs. I love them.

But this weekend the wedding was for one of my dearest friends. That, of course, makes the event just that much more special. But this particular wedding and this particular friend hold a little more weight than most. And I’ll tell you why…

But first know that this story isn’t all happy. There are a lot of really sad and difficult parts… and I’m planning to be frank about them (okay Lo?) but I promise you that it has a happy ending. And isn’t a happy ending happy because of the rough road that leads to it? I think so…

I met Lo Down under somewhat of unusual circumstances, considering the fact that I have just come from her wedding.

She was introduced to me as the girlfriend of a guy I used to date. Now, I had heard all about her, and lucky for all of us, our joint past flame and I had remained close friends after the end of our quote unquote: relationship, so things weren’t as weird as they might sound.

The weird part really had nothing to do with the fact that I used to see her current boyfriend. The weird part was the fact that SHE was now dating this particular gentlemen. Don’t let me undersell Rossco- her boyfriend. He is a great friend of mine and my friendship with him is a very important one in my life, but Lo Down is a knock out. She is tall as can be, dark chocolate hair, brilliant eyes… overall major hottie. Any guy would be lucky to have her, and because we knew Rossco to be somewhat of a homebody, it just didn’t quite fit that he had somehow scored this exotic lady.

And to make matters even more crazy… Lo was completely enamored with this guy. She just couldn’t get enough of him.

As time passed, years to be frank, their odd connection seemed less and less strange and more and more the norm. Once two people have been together long enough, and around you frequently enough… anything will start to make sense.

In 2006, if I am remembering correctly, Lo was given the amazing opportunity to attending the British American Drama Academy. Yes, this is the very same amazing program that I brag about all the time. I attended in 2005 along with Rossco and MacTen and a few other blog regulars.

It was during this summer apart that Rossco and Lo’s relationship took a turn…

Looking back, I think anyone who spends a summer apart comes to one of two conclusions. They either decide that they are not meant to be, or they decide that they really want to take the relationship to the next level. Lo was waiting on the ‘next level’ side of things when Rossco made the rash decision to go along with that idea.

They got engaged.

I have to tell you that when I found out about the engagement, I was shocked. I was shocked because as much as I had gotten used to their relationship, I still was immediately put on edge at the thought of their marriage. Don’t misunderstand me… this had NOTHING to do with my feelings for Rossco at all. Lo had become a very good friend of mine and although I couldn’t possibly say anything to her about my doubts, I couldn’t really turn my back on my hesitations either. It was a really weird time. And I know that I was not the only one close to her who was feeling off about the seemingly out-of-the-blue engagement.

When Lo got back from Europe it was clear to me that her excitement didn’t match her finances. He seemed almost aloof, while she threw herself into wedding planning. I think this was the biggest red flag for me. It almost felt like she was burying the both of them so far into their impending marriage so that neither of them could get out.

There was a very expensive, very nice ring.

Then there was a wedding venue…

And a dress…

And a move to San Fransisco……..

And then there came the inevitable break up. Of course it only FELT inevitable to me. It was inevitably devastating for her.

I say this with so much love, Lo, when I say that I hate that I saw that coming. Of course it had nothing to do with my beautiful friend… and it really had nothing to do with Rossco either. Sometimes two people just don’t fit. Sometimes people make it work, sometimes they are able to force it for a while.. and sometimes they just can’t. Maybe they weren’t ready? Maybe it was rash? I don’t know what brought them to their end and to be honest, only they know for sure… and I bet they would both give you different reasons if you asked.

The point is… the damage was done.

And I stand here as a married woman myself and I can tell you that I have NO IDEA how Lo got through that. I thought of her the whole year leading up to my wedding with Burny. I thought of her when we booked the DJ, and the caterer, and when we sent out the invites. I kept thinking that there are no guarantees in life… Burny could have decided at any moment that I wasn’t the one for him…

I don’t know how I would have survived it.

And I watched my friend Lo survive.

Granted, she didn’t always survive gracefully. But who expected her to? I remember her threatening to fight Raps- our friend- on several occasions. I had never really considered Lo a violent person… well, not until she tried to fight ME for honestly no reason at all. She said that she just wanted me to know that she could kick my ass.

Trust me, she was getting no argument from me. The girl was a giant with no fear and nothing to lose… I’m no idiot.

I watched her go through crushes…

I watcher her attempt to be friends with Rossco, and attempt to be okay with my continued friendship with him…

I watched her fight with him and fight with us.

I watched her change her life from one plan to another to another.

I watched her move in with Raps and MacTen and jump from one of their beds to the other based on whoever was home at the time.

I watched her die a little bit. I watched her break apart.

She tried to keep it together and she did a damn good job of it… but she broke in not so obvious ways. There were not too many break-down-and-cry moments… but there were little changes. Little splinters.

Like I said, I can’t pretend to imagine what that was like for her. And as her friends, we kind of just stood back and let her go where the wind was going to blow her. What else was there to do?

Ultimately, she and I came to the same conclusion at the same time: it was time to move home.

We were both living in San Diego at the time. We were both Nor Cal originals but San Diego had held onto us past our college graduation… and after her San Fransisco move and return, she found herself alone and lost… which just so happened to be exactly where I was hanging out.

We had a joint going away party. It was an L and W party. Guests had to dress as something that started with an L or a W. I am clearly ‘Laundry’ and Lo is ‘Wonder Woman’…. Raps and Mac are obviously dressed up as Lo and I.

We moved back to our hometowns with no real goals or plans in mind. We just knew that we were lost in the world and sometimes when you’re lost in the world… the best thing to do is go back and tag base.

I can promise you that the LAST thing on my mind was a relationship. But I was officially dating Burny within a week of moving home.

Life never asked me what my plans were.

Lo was the very first of my friends to meet him. She came to visit me the first weekend we were both at home… we still needed a taste of San Diego to get through the days. SD is like a terrible and wonderful drug. I still struggle with relapsing…

Lo was laying right next to me when Burny and I had our first kiss. She told me to kiss him. She is the reason we took it from friendship to a relationship… and we know what came after that.

I remember when Lo called me and told me that she too had reconnected with someone who she met in high school. That’s how Burny and I met. She said she thought he was the one. I hadn’t even met him yet, but there was something about the way she was talking about him… she was so calm. Before that I don’t think that I would have described my friend Lo as ‘calm.’ It was refreshing.

I was nervous, yes. Of course. I didn’t want her to get hurt again. I didn’t know whether or not this jerk knew that he was holding onto taped together pieces of a person! That is a big responsibility.

She brought him up to meet me in the few months before my wedding. I knew she was planning to bring him as her date and I was very much anticipating my first impression of this guy. After all, all of our joint SD friends were looking to me to make the call; was this guy legit or not!?

I opened the door and immediately noticed that he was about a foot shorter than she was- which was not uncommon… she is a giant after all- and that he was smiling. He threw his arms open, yelled ‘MrsWaterCloset’ and hugged me.

I couldn’t help but laugh. And I couldn’t help but like him. He is a likable guy, what can I say? He reminded me of me. 🙂 They say that we seek out our parents in a mate… I disagree. I think we seek out our funniest friend.

And I noticed something else once we sat on the couch and started chatting. Lo didn’t seem like pieces of a person anymore. She seemed happy. She seemed content and at peace. And more haunting than anything else was this calmness…

I went to their wedding this weekend.

I can honestly say, and not just because I know she will read this, that I had no doubts and no hesitations. I could not help but think as she walked down the aisle that life has a way of getting us each to our own happy endings. If it weren’t for Rossco and her broken engagement, maybe she would have wound up at the end of the wrong aisle… or only half way lost, which is much worse than all the way lost if you ask me.

God only knows…

And when I watched her dance her first dance with the guy who hugged me instead of shaking my hand, I cried. I cried because she was 100% herself. She wasn’t making concessions to be with him, or compromising anything. She wasn’t pretending or rushing or pushing or forcing. It just was because it fit. They fit. And they both looked so comfortable. And so happy.

I think it’s so important that your significant other bring out the best in you. Not only the best in you, but the best version of you. Lo is the BEST version of herself with LightSaber. And he, the best version of himself with her.

I love happy endings. They are magical. They are hopeful. They are real.

I witnessed a happy ending this weekend. And the best thing about happy endings… is that they are also beginnings…

Congrats Lo Down and LightSaber! May you always know each other’s hearts.

Norbert the angry duck

We now have a duck. This is why I have become a blogger… random things happen in my everyday life. Things that probably don’t happen to other twenty-something girls…

For instance… Norbert.

My husband, Burn TACtics, has just recently started his job at South Lake Tahoe fire department… pretty much a dream job for him (and for me for that matter). We love the outdoors and all that comes with that, as well as the snow!! And my family has a cabin in South Lake so I have been going up there for years. Needless to say, we are very excited.

However,

Imagine moving in the snow… right? It truly makes the pain of moving that much more of a pain. Especially when you consider the fact that Burny is coming off of unemployment and we have pretty much burned through our nest egg. And now, very quickly, we have to come up with a deposit, pet deposit, first months rent, uhaul etc etc etc. The list goes on.

So in the meantime, Burny and I- well mostly me- have been staying with my mom at her house. Burny drives up the hill to work and when I can or have to, I go with him.

This was one such weekend. I had to work up there Friday morning, so we headed up Thursday night… in the middle of this HUGE storm system that has been pounding all of California.

It has to be said that this was the worst storm either of us had ever driven in. Sorry to scare ya mom, but really, it was gnarly. We were slipping in our four wheel drive and I was on the verge of an anxiety attack. So we pulled off just below Strawberry, if you know where that is, to catch our breath and get some water.

We never ever stop on the drive to Tahoe… it’s just not long enough.

But that night, we did.

And who was waiting for us? Norbert.

Just as Burny steps out of the car, here comes a little baby duck fluttering up to his feet. He was clearly lost. I mean come on, birds fly south. So Thomas went to pick him up and he flew away and we thought that was that.

But oh no.

Mr. ‘owner of the 76 station who doesn’t speak English’ was very insistent that the story would not end there. He yelled and pointed and all around freaked out at the thought of the duck being in his parking lot.

“No live here. Duck no snow,” was about all we could get out of the guy. So we nodded and agreed and smiled, like you do when someone is talking to you in a language I guess they assume you know. But no, he wanted more than just understanding. The man puts a net in Burny’s hands and pushes him out the door back into the storm. He is pointing like a crazy man at the duck’s tracks (keep in mind the duck is now no where to be seen) and despite the language barrier, there was no mistaking what he was getting at.

So Burny and I have no choice but to hunt the little guy down.

And sure enough, Burny’s tracking skills lead us straight to the lost duck.

Mr. store owner is very excited. Clearly we have figured out his riddle! And now he rushes us back into the store and we are thinking, oh god, they are gonna eat this little duck. But NO!

“To the lake!” The man says in his broken, enthusiastic English, and puts the baby duck in a box and points to us. He wants us to take the duck to the lake, an hour away. But I mean, what else can we do? The man is not asking us a question… he is stating a fact.

So we take the baby duck, whom I so lovingly deem Norbert  (or Lily… but Norbert until proven otherwise), and bring him along on the slippery ride up the hill to the lake.

Of course it’s late when we finally get up there, and we don’t want to go to the lake, and we are tired and basically now we have a pet duck. A pet duck, whom I loved until he showed his true colors.

Duck is pissed.

Duck does not see that we have saved his life.

Duck does not understand the situation.

Duck does not realize the alternative!!

So now we have an angry duck who may or may not be able to stand, who is now dyed green from his own fecal matter and who literally strikes at you like a snake when you try to love him.

I mean really??

So tell me… what do ducks eat? We’ve tried dog food, rice, and sour cream and onion chips… We tried to give him a bath but he was too pissed that we were alive to even enjoy it… and where do I take him if he is in fact hurt?

And most importantly… do you want a duck???