Tag Archives: snow

17th Century New Year

8 Jan

Well, we are off to a good start…

…Is what I thought when Burny and I pulled into the neighborhood of my cabin in South Lake Tahoe to discover that there was no power.

It was Wednesday; Two days before New Year’s Eve and as to be expected, things were not going to go smoothly in the family cabin by the lake!

Since some of you will know absolutely nothing about our lovely cabin in Lake Tahoe, let me give you some back story:

First of all… my mother’s family purchased this cabin in the 70’s, but they were only going to be half owners. The other owners of the cabin were to be my mother’s husband’s parents. What a perfectly magical place for the extended family to share! At least it was… for the three years that the marriage lasted. They say a diamond is forever… well that’s crap. But let me tell you what IS forever… an owner partnership. Forever and ever!

So needless to say, the two families have not always been the best with communication since the divorce. And of course, that means that the cabin is the one to suffer. The poor, poor cabin.

Now, my grandmother was always on top of things when it came to our beloved getaway. She kept it clean. She kept the animals out. She had a system so the pipes didn’t freeze… and then she died. And since then, things have really gone down hill. And I’m not even exaggerating when I say it should be condemned.

My uncle, for example, says that he is ‘scared’ to go up there. Not because of ghosts or anything actually scary, but because he fears that he will either burn alive inside of it due to the poor wiring, or suffocate due to the poor gas piping, or the cabin will literally just fall down on top of him… and quite frankly, any or all of these things are a very real risk when you stay there.

The roof is leaking which causes the ceiling tiles (probably made of asbestos) to mold, disintegrate and crumble away. The animals get into the crawl space and chew their way in as well, which causes the whole crumbling process to speed up. The walls are molded from flooding from broken pipes. The pipes break because they freeze because the plumber must have been high when he plumped the place. The carpet is stained to high heaven and the furniture is worse than a garage sale. AND the tree in the backyard has now grown into the house and is literally pulling the house off its foundation.

Why do I go there? Because I love it. Why do I love it? Because it’s the last place that has been around since I was a kid. I’ve moved a bunch and my grandparents are all gone… this is the last thing that reminds me of being a kid. And I love it. And despite all its giant mess and headache, I would lay down in front of it before I would let anyone bulldoze it over.

And when I say ‘anyone’ I mean my family. They have had it. It’s just a headache to them. They don’t care anymore. And I know my grandmother would roll over in her grave if she saw the place now. And I feel guilty for that.

But regardless of it all, I love that place. And quite frankly, it’s perfect for a weekend of partying. It’s a great size, lots of beds, no one notices a new stain on the carpet! What more could we ask for…

Well…

Power.

So Wednesday, Burny and I were running around at our house trying to leave in time to get to the cabin before sundown. We were meeting PCharm and AllIsFrank at the cabin that night and we wanted to get everything up and running before they got there. In the winter we have to fully winterize everything each time we leave so it takes some time to get things heated up and the water running and all that fun stuff.

Of course, we got a late start, and it was already dark by the time we were pulling into the neighborhood of my cabin. And by dark I mean the sun was down AND the neighborhood was down. No lights. Anywhere. Shit.

Wednesday was supposed to be the beginning of a pretty hefty storm. It’s always hard to trust the weather man, but you don’t want to mock him either by being unprepared. So even though the storm hadn’t hit yet like they had been anticipating, it was DANG cold up there!

So cold, in fact, that surprise surprise… the pipes were frozen.

Frozen pipes and no power… off to a commanding start, if I do say so myself!

Burny unloaded the car and shoveled the drive way just enough, in the pitch dark, so that we could get our 4 wheel drive Jeep over the snow bank and out of the way of the snow plow. We made a second little slot right next to us for PCharm’s 4 wheel drive truck as well. And then Burny made a fire…

And that my friends, was all the ‘getting things set up’ that we could do.

Once we got the heaters going- thank GOD they run on gas and not power- we made a run to the grocery store to get some candles. That old of a cabin and there were only TWO candles in the whole place. I mean, come on! Be prepared! Lucky for us, just a few days after Christmas… all holiday candles were 50% off! Gotta catch a break somewhere!

So we made it back to the cabin just in time to light up the candles, which immediately made the cabin smell like holly and cider, before PCharm and AllIsFrank pulled up.

“Welcome to the 17th century” was how I greeted them. I wish I were joking.

One thing that we had planned that had not yet be interrupted was the fact that we were going to head out to Chevy’s to have dinner. As a matter of fact, that plan only looked more and more amazing as the time approached. Chevy’s was on the side of town with power… and heat.

And Chevy’s… as always… was delicious. We ate our fill, hoped and prayed that the power and water would magically be working by the time we got home, but ultimately pulled back into a pitch dark neighborhood. Brilliant.

The fire had died while we were at dinner and it was back to freezing in the cabin. The one working heater was hardly enough to heat up a giant house and with the power outage, we couldn’t plug in any space heaters either. It was rough, I assure you. But we improvized. We pulled the dinning room table out of the dinning room and right up next to the fire. We all stayed in our winter gear and we tried to ignore the fact that we could see our breath in the air.

Night one: we played poker by candle light at the dinning room table… in the living room… by the only real heat source. If that’s not the 17th Century, then I don’t know what is.

At about 1am, we retired into our separate- and freezing- bedrooms. About 5 minutes after laying down… the power came on. Great… just when my eyes were adjusting to the darkness away from the fire… the blinding bathroom light pops on. Like I need power when I’m sleeping!

Either way, it was a welcoming sight… light. The boys, who were planning to wake up and go play poker, made a plan to wake up even earlier and begin de-frosting the frozen pipes in the shed by way of my hair dryer. Clearly we have devised many plans to unfreeze pipes… unfortunately for the first night… all those plans included electricity.

But alas… it would seem like our luck was changing. We knew that the frozen pipe was the pipe leading to the water heater. If we could just get that unthawed, we could have hot water. Hot water meant showers and showers meant 21st century!

Things were looking up!

Day two!

Burny’s alarm went off at about 7am. And 7:10. And 7:20. And 7:30. I don’t honestly think he was that tired… I think it was the freezing room that kept him pushing snooze.

The one saving grace of the cabin was the heater in the back room- where Burny and I were sleeping. We had quickly given the one good space heater to PC and All because the heater in the back room could throw some heat. Even in the dead of winter I would end up nearly naked by the morning, having shed all my clothes throughout the night. It got hot in there.

But not this time…

As Burny and I were falling asleep after the power had come back to life… we couldn’t help but notice that the heater was making a funny noise. I couldn’t put my finger on what the sound was, and I didn’t feel like I was in any danger… but it just didn’t sound right. As a matter of fact, it sounded like the dang thing was just giving up.

And by morning, it was all too clear that that was exactly what was happening. That damn thing… our last hope for true warmth… had died. And the room was icy. I don’t want to exaggerate- as I never do- but there was frost on the INSIDE of our windows. It was totally ridiculous.

And the thought that a warm shower was not in my immediate future did not start my morning off on the right foot.

Finally, PC and Burny got up and started hair drying the pipes in the shed. I shutter to think how cold it was out there. Bless those boys… bless them. And lucky for them, they hardly had to spend any time out there at all! It only took a few minutes to get the pipe thawed! Burny came in to give me the good news and I couldn’t help but feel totally confident that our weekend was going to turn out alright after all.

That lasted about 3 minutes…

The shed was not the only frozen pipe. Once the water heater began to fill we quickly realized that only the small, outdated, and hardly functioning bathroom was getting hot water… the rest of the house, including the much bigger, warmer, non-spider infested bathroom with the full shower, was only getting freezing cold lake water.

Awesome!

“Don’t worry! It will thaw in no time,” Burny tried to calm me. But I knew better! I knew that there was a poker game somewhere warm that had his name all over it… and the girls were not invited!

I was tempted to go home, I’m not going to lie. I live about 20 minutes from my cabin on the Nevada side, but that would kind of defeat the whole ‘get away’ idea. And I’m not much of a morning person, so nothing was sounding like a good plan! I didn’t want to drive, I didn’t want to get out of bed, I didn’t want Burny to gamble… but I DID want a freakin warm shower! I was pissed. I was just pissed at my cabin the same way my family was pissed at it.

And then I decided to knock it off!

PC had already left for the poker game and Burny had stayed back. He was no fool. He could see that his lovely and adoring wife was on the verge of a serious melt down… or freeze down would be more appropriate.

But alas, I decided that I was not going to be ‘that girl’ and I agreed to take Burny down to the casinos to meet with PC. It didn’t hurt that we would be passing a Starbucks on the way. I figured that one shower WAS in fact, working… the hideous, coffin-shaped shower, yes, but there was hot water. And I could make do.

I was mainly afraid of a pipe breaking through the wall while Burny was away. I’ve never seen it happen, but my mom had told me horror stories; pipes breaking right through the wall, pipes breaking inside the walls, and on and on. It didn’t sound like something I was mentally in the state of mind to be dealing with. But the more I woke up, the more I realized that no matter who was around… we were going to have to call a plumber in an emergency and I could do that as well as anyone. So AllIsFrank and I drove Burny down to stateline, and All went in and grabbed us both some warm drinks and a snack.

As we pulled back up to the cabin, PC called All and told her that both he and Burny had already lost the tournament. It had been 15 minutes!! That’s $40 I’ll never see again. They were on their way back to the cabin. I figured that with them in route, I would probably survive any trauma I would experience while showering in the coffin shower.

I stripped down and jumped in.

In all the years that we have owned this cabin… which include all the years of my life… I have never showered in this shower. As a matter of fact, the only person in my family that I ever knew who showered in that shower was my grandma. And every single time she showered in there, the door got stuck closed on her and one of us would have to go in there and let her out. You never, EVER want to see your grandma naked in a coffin shower, I promise you that.

And yes, that is the visual I had as I turned on the water and shut the door.

That shower is old. I am talking old, old. First of all, as I was showering, I noticed a black widows nest in the corner… just chillin. I mean, we neglect the parts of the cabin that we use regularly… the parts we don’t use… like that shower… well, they end up getting rented out by critters and other non-humans.

If I wasn’t showering quickly when I saw that, I certainly picked up the pace. And let me also just say to you that I barely escaped that coffin shower with my nipples! That water pressure, coming out of those tiny, tiny, clogged up holes… it is piercing! Absolutely fierce! When I stepped out and looked in the mirror, it looked like I had been given raspberries all over my body!

And then of course I had to run through the unheated house to my room, which under normal circumstances would be way over heated if the heater was working… but no. This was the 17th century New Years! No heat. Just freezing cold clothes on my raspberried body.

But man… there is just something about a hot shower… it doesn’t really matter how you get it, you are a changed person after it.

So on day two, Thrusday, we now had one working toilet, but it was not in the same bathroom as our one working shower. We did have power but we had zero working wall heaters. We did have one decent space heater and a great fire going though. That was a plus. And we were well packed for the upcoming storm, which had in fact hit over night.

I do want to mention that despite all the drama inside the cabin… outside… it was stunning.

We bundled up in our snow clothes and headed out into the winter wonderland!

Our original plan was to build a snowman but not even the snow was going to cooperate with us that weekend! Fresh powder does not grab onto itself. And you can’t make a snowman out of snow that won’t ball up! So we improvised yet again and we decided to take a walk down to the nearby meadow.

I have to tell you, the meadow is one of my favorite places on earth. Especially in the winter. It is just breathtaking! It’s so peaceful and vast and stunning. It looks like a painting, no matter what time of day or year.

As we walked, we marveled over the snow-covered trees. The storm had clearly come from one direction. Every single tree was white from root to top on one side, and once you passed the trees and looked back the other way… there was no trace of snow on them. It was pretty amazing.

After our toes and our fingers were successfully frozen (and our noses chapped… don’t you hate when your nose starts to run but all you have to wipe it with is your gloved hands and then your nose gets raw??), we headed back to the cabin to make dinner. And what an amazing dinner it was, I might add!!

We still only had hot water in the one bathroom, but we did have electricity, and with electric appliances… although outdated… we were in good shape. The boys, bless their hearts, cooked All and I a delicious meal. In all fairness, All helped too. She made the pasta. I just say the boys cooked it so that I don’t feel like I was the only one who didn’t help, but really that’s exactly what happened. I would also like to say that it’s because I was working, and even though that is true, I probably would have still found a way to make myself look busy so as to avoid cooking. I’m just not a cook! I probably would not have been much help anyway.

That night, night two, we enjoyed both regular AND Elk steak. If you’ve never had Elk, I encourage you to do so. It’s quite delicious! We also had pasta and red sauce. Oh yes, and don’t forget the amazing cheesy, garlic bread. That was my request and it might have been my favorite part. So yes, I did contribute to dinner.

After dinner (which was still enjoyed in front of the fire… even though we had electricity back, the heat situation was still sketchy), we played the game of Life. You know, the board game.

 And I have to say that I took a tip from my real life and I decided to just start with my career. AllIsFrank and PCharm went to college first. Basically, we learned really quickly that going to college just gave you a late start in the game, and although college did dictate your career… it did not dictate your income. That game of life is surprisingly realistic!

Burny won. Again, surprisingly realistic.

Night two, even though we knew that the wall heater in our bedroom was broken, we still gave up the one decent space heater to All and PC. Even though All promised that she was, in fact, a beacon of warmth and she swore that she kept all who were near her warm. Despite all that, I figured that our room would still stay warmer. There was absolutely no logic behind that decision, and quite frankly, we were absolutely wrong. Burny had the sense to put an extra blanket on our bed and thank God he did. I shutter to think what might have become of us without it.

In the morning, All informed me that they ended up turning off the heater because they were so warm in their room. Oh really? Awesome.

Day three: Friday.

We woke up late. Not necessarily because we were tired, but more because it was just too dang cold to get out of bed. With no working heaters, over night the temperature in the house plummeted to below freezing. First person up had to get a fire going and what not. Basically first person up had to sacrifice themselves to the elements… preparing the way for the rest of us.

I decided not to think too much about it and I just jumped right into the coffin shower. It wasn’t going to really make any difference how long I contemplated it. Any way you sliced it, it was going to blow. It was going to suck, and it was going to be freezing cold no matter what time of day I finally broke down and did it.

Now I need to make a point of saying that I am not one of those girly girls, who can’t go a day without showering. That’s not the case at all. I just have that type of really thin, really greasy hair that is absolutely disgusting if it does not get washed. Even when I’m camping (which I love), I don’t always shower, but I do have to wash my hair in the faucet at some point. (And yes, campers, I do know that that is not allowed. Sue me).

So I took my second shower with the black widow spider and yet again, nearly lost a nipple. But again, it all almost felt worth it for that one split second after you turn off the water and before you step out into the arctic… the moment where you feel really, really warm for the first time in ages.

After my shower, the rest of the crew followed suit. Burny was last in line and although he said he had hot water… I wonder if that was really the case. He said he was just singing… but it sounded like a wounded yeti coming from that shower! I do believe he took a freezing cold shower, poor kid.

And after he was fully clothed again, he got to work devising a plan to get the hot water running. We knew that the hot water was frozen on its way to the kitchen area. We had no hot water in the sink. So we turned on the oven, and opened the door, both to heat up the wall behind the oven and to hopefully heat up the kitchen a little too while we were at it. We also took the one working space heater and magically shoved it under the sink and turned it up full blast. If nothing else, we figured that we could maybe catch the place on fire, collect the insurance money and start from scratch.

Mr. and Mrs. Gator showed up that day, in their 2 wheel drive sedan. Friday yielded a surprisingly clear day. No chains, no problem. And probably the most surprising was the lack of traffic coming up the hill on New Year’s Eve. South Lake Tahoe is kind of a hot spot for young partiers on New Years.

Either way, they showed up midday and were immediately freezing. They are from Florida, so anything below 75 is winter to them. It was probably for the best that they didn’t make it up any earlier. We really might have lost them in those first two nights.

The girls; All, myself and Mrs. G volunteered to run the errands for the day. I had been craving stuffed crust pizza ever since I saw a commercial for it earlier in the week and so I convinced the group to jump on board with my craving. So we headed out to pick up the pizza. On the way, we stopped by a smoke shop to get some coals for the Huka, and the grocery store to get some more fire wood. That fire was our only hope for survival at this point, and we weren’t about to chance running out of fuel.

Under normal circumstances, those three errands would have taken around 15 minutes to complete. Not in SLT on NYE. Between the snow, the bad drivers, the traffic and the road conditions… we were gone nearly an hour. And I have to just take a minute to back up real quick and brag about my amazing winter driving skills. When we were leaving the neighborhood to head out on the town, we were nearly killed in an accident. The roads in neighborhoods are always much worse than the main roads. They are hardly plowed, and even when they are, they are icy as all get out. You have to drive slow and you have to start breaking for a stop sign about half a block away from the white line.

I guess no one gave this random asshole that memo!

We had the right away, no stop sign, and he was approaching in his 4 wheel drive Toyota on our right. His road was going to dead-end into ours. I am always aware of other cars on the road, especially under those conditions, and I swear to you it looked like he was slowing down. And then, at the last-minute, it was as if he decided that not only was he NOT going to stop at the stop sign before turning left, but that he was going to purposely slam into our car. Now, I only say he meant to do this on purpose because as I swerved out of the way, nearly crashing into the snow bank on the other side, we saw him LAUGHING! Maybe it was nervous laughter yes, but it looked like malicious laughter! To be honest with you, I can not believe we escaped that collision. I was bracing for impact for sure! It looked like he was going to slam right into the front right corner of our car, and when we avoided that, I thought that our Jeep was just too long to avoid being slammed into all together. But somehow, magically, we escaped.

And I didn’t even get to use the horn. I never remember to use the horn!!! Burny, however, never has trouble remembering to use that particular safety feature.

Okay, so we got our errands done and headed home. We had assigned the boys one task while we were gone: Shovel the driveway so that the Gators could pull their car in without getting stuck. As we pulled up to the house, the sedan was still in the street and it looked as if that one simple task had not yet been competed. None of us girls were surprised by that, but as it turned out… we had to eat our words when we got out and realized that it only LOOKED like the driveway had not been shoveled. In fact, it had. Whoops!

And then, when we walked inside there was one MORE surprise! We had nearly completely moved back into the 21st Century! The water from the kitchen sink was running, and there was steam! Hot water!! Our heater under the sink plan had been successful! Thank the lord! Too bad I hadn’t held out a few more hours on that shower… I could have enjoyed a full sized, non-nipple piercing shower! Oh well…. maybe in 2011!

After enjoying our delicious stuffed crust pizza, the six of us sat down to yet another game of Life. This time, I might add, both All and PC started in their careers instead of going to college. The Gators… not so much. Sometimes you just have to learn some lessons the hard way, right America?

After Life, (no pun intended) we played some speed scrabble before heading out to get some dinner. Yes, all you do is eat and play games when you are at my cabin, it’s true! We ate Snowflake Burger. If you don’t know what that is, you haven’t lived. It’s right on Lake Tahoe Blvd (aka Hwy 50) and it is life changing. We try to make a point of eating there every single time we stay the night at the cabin. It’s just that good.

As we ate our meal, I entertained the group with my ghost story. Burny had heard it of course, but the others hadn’t. They had heard ABOUT it of course, but they had never actually heard the play by play. Truly, it is not just a story you can tell whenever anyone requests it. It takes a good hour to tell and it can’t be broken up into parts. Not to mention it really takes it out of me to tell it in full, and the crowd is always a little different afterwards. It’s not really a tell in a scary cabin at night kind of story, but I figured it was New Years and we were still going to go out and by the time we all went to bed, it would be pretty far removed from our mind.

Yes, it’s that real and that scary.

And yes, that is why I have been unable to blog about it. It’s going to be quite the epic blog. I need to make sure I can allot it the appropriate amount of time and pay the appropriate amount of attention to detail.

I digress… so I told my story which lead to other stories and experiences which lead to us being slightly behind our 10pm departure time. Departure time for where? Stateline of course! That is where the magic happens at midnight in South lake Tahoe.

The girls started getting read at around 9:30! And that is perhaps the best thing about New Year’s in South Lake… if you are a smart girl (and I say that because unfortunately there are many, many dumb girls walking around at midnight) you dress for the snowy, freezing weather. That means you wear lots of layers, you don’t have to worry about what you’re wearing or how your hair looks because everything is covered! You wear a coat, a beanie, gloves… the whole thing. Us ‘getting ready’ simply meant putting on layers.

I left the house with leggings under my jeans. Three pairs of socks under my snow boots. Two tank tops, covered with two long-sleeved shirts and a sweatshirt AND a winter vest. Two pairs of gloves and a scarf. Top it all off with a hat and I was set to go! It was quite a process though, I assure you!

I point out that there were a lot of dumb girls walking around that night, but more accurately, they were suicidal. When we got out of the car at 10:30, it was about 10 degrees out. And yet, before we even got out of the car we saw a girl walking… well, I’m not sure if you can call it ‘walking’ exactly as she was literally being held up by her male escort… and she was wearing the tiniest little dress I’ve ever seen, complete with sequins of course, and the biggest most incredible high heels that I’ve ever seen on a real person. And by ‘real person’ I mean ‘non-stripper’ although I can’t be sure that she wasn’t a stripper. As a matter of fact, just her walking down the street was literally exposing her under parts so perhaps she is not a ‘real person’ after all. Either way, those heels on that ice= dumb. I won’t even go into how dumb the outfit was.

And unfortunately, she was not the only dumb girl out there. I saw a lot of skin, none of which was my own or anyone in MY group. The only skin you could see on any of us, was our nose and eyes! When it’s 10 degrees… I don’t care what day of the year it is… you wear clothes!! And a lot of them. And truth be told, even with all of my layers… I would have stood a better chance getting laid than any of those tramps. I mean really, you’re just being a tramp when you’re out there dressed like that.

But I’ll end that tangent there!

This year was my very first sober New Years! No! I am not pregnant! I just had a rough night on December 10th, the night of my husbands work holiday party and I’ve given up drinking for 2011. I do hope to get prego this year so it kind of works out anyway. So yes, I was sober. And Burny had to work in the morning so he was sober. And Mr. Gator doesn’t really drink. And so basically, the sober vibe just kind of took over the group early in the weekend and the six of us were walking into this crowd of drunken people with our eyes wide open.

And what a sight it was.

The two highlights were:

The big fight we saw about 5 minutes into being there. There were two separate duo’s going at it in the middle of the street. Don’t worry! The crowd parted an adequate distance to make way for the battle. But as much as I enjoy watching fights, the best part about this particular one was the solo guy who was pantomyming a fight… with no one. He was clearly drunk and he was clearly fighting no one… but he was in the clearing all the same. And he was very involved in that fight with no one. It was kind of amazing.

The other amazing thing came just before the clock struck midnight. A man decided that the most awesome thing he could do would be to climb the traffic light at the border between Nevada and California. And he really had the support of the crowd until her got himself to the top and became a 12 year old boy. He straddled the street light so it looked like the traffic light that came out over the street was his very large penis. Very mature.

It was at that point that the crowd turned on him. At first it was snowballs that they threw. Then we could tell that the snowballs were more like iceballs. And for a completely wasted crowd, everyone had really good aim. And then the iceballs became garbage… and bottles. It got ugly quickly. And it wasn’t until he took an iceball directly to the face that he decided to climb down.

Some people get their five minutes of fame… for him it was about a minute, 30. Max. And I’m pretty sure he got arrested upon returning to earth.

Now, because we were among the only sober people down at stateline on this particular evening, we wanted to find a really good place to watch the clock strike midnight. And I mean that figuratively. There is no clock. There is no countdown. And for a place that is so frequented at New Year’s Eve, you would think that they would have remedied that situation by now. But alas, each year there is a general cheer that begins at about 11:58pm and lasts til about 3 after. I guess it just depends on your clock as to when you join in in the cheering.

So because we wanted a vantage point to survey the situation, and because immersing ourselves in the crowd of people gave us the exact opposite of a vantage point of anything, we decided to climb up on a narrow snow berm, brought to us thanks to the snow plow on the California side of the intersection. We immediately deemed it ‘New Years Mountain.”

New Years Mountain is pictured behind the people above.

And New Years Mountain gave us a wonderful view of the mass of people, demonstrated below…

It was from New Years Mountain that we were able to survey the brilliant penis man… you can see the street light in the pictures as well. And we were also able to judge people from New Years Mountain. And judge we did. Ladies and gentlemen, we spent the final moments of 2010 judging the heck out of strangers. We pointed openly at the severely intoxicated. We laughed at the outrageously skimpy outfits that continued to appear. We rolled our eyes as the marijuana smell creeped out of the crowd… only on the California side of course. Yes… we judged them all. And it made me feel much better about myself on New Years Mountain.

New Years Eve is just not the same when you are sober. We were just totally lost and out of place. We didn’t want to spend $10 each on a strand of marijuana shaped beads, and we didn’t have to show our private parts to anyone… so there really wasn’t a lot for us to do once 2011 had officially started.

We were freezing cold, we knew that much. But we didn’t feel like we could go straight home either. So we compromised by going into the casino, where as you can see, the crowds were much less….

… and we got ourselves a delicious hot chocolate at America’s favorite coffee shop… open past midnight! And if you can imagine it, there was NO LINE!!!

We returned home, unable to successfully blend in after that. We saw a man being carried by his arms and legs, face down, by the police; followed by a girl in the most skimpy outfit of the entire night and we just knew… 2011 had already been tainted enough. We walked to the car and drove home and went to bed. We didn’t even play a board game.

The following morning, New Year’s Day, Burny had to work. He woke up early and headed off into the cold 2011 morning, before any of the rest of us had even begun to stir. At nearly 11am, obviously not because I was hung over, I called AllIsFrank from my room. She laughed when she answered, but she was not braving the cold either and therefore had no room to speak on my laziness. I asked her if someone was in the back shower. She said she didn’t think so…

But I heard water running….

I hung up and told her I would see her in a few minutes, but I remained in my bed listening. The sound I was hearing was definitely water running. And that was never a good sign when no one was in the shower. Not in my cabin anyway.

So I dragged myself out of bed, bundled up and headed towards the source of the noise. It led me to the infamous shed. The flooded shed, I quickly realized. Apparently, the pipe leading from the water header to the kitchen sink was not the only pipe that had been frozen. Two faucets in the shed, which we would normally have closed before turning on the water were still wide open, and now, had apparently thawed out. And these two, tiny faucets were absolutely drenching everything in the shed. There was at least a few inches of standing water on the floor and to my complete dismay, I realized that the water was steaming. OUR HOT WATER!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

I ran back in the house and turned off the water source for the entire house so that I could figure out what was causing the problem. Originally, when I looked into the shed, all I could see was water spraying everywhere. I didn’t immediately take in that the water was coming from open faucets. In my cabin, you have to immediately assume the worst: broken pipes!

I went to PCharm and AllIsFrank’s room and knocked. We were back to the 17th Century. I asked PC to come out into the shed while I turned the water back on so that we could diagnose the problem. He quickly saw that the water was coming from the faucets and turned them off. Problem solved, right? I wish!!

The inches of water on the floor had soaked the pilot light on the hot water heater! It was out and it wasn’t re-lighting. No. Hot. Water.

We were finally able to use the full shower the day before, right after I had already showered in the coffin shower, and it was gone just as quickly as it had come. No one even got the chance to see how wonderful a full shower could feel!

It took us half the day to get it lit, and by that point, we had already given up on showers. I mean, what was the point? The jig was up!

We spend our first day in 2011 walking around the shops at stateline, wishing we had more money to spend in 2011 than we had had in 2010. PCharm successfully lost another $50 playing poker.

After that, we returned to the cabin, made a delicious stoffers lasagna and some more cheesy, garlic bread and played some more board games by the fire. While we played we discussed the state of the world… I assure you, things aren’t looking any better for us in 2011 than they had in 2010. Probably worse, we all decided.

The two couples packed their cars up and left between 1am and 4am in the morning to beat the traffic down the hill back to the valley.

I woke up alone. I cleaned the cabin and packed the car. I headed back to my 21st Century house in Nevada before I even tried to brave the shower.

Burny said this of the weekend: At least when you’re camping you don’t expect to have a shower or a working heater. That’s why this is so much worse.

So true.

Happy New Year!

A day in the life…

21 Nov

So today, my friend and new blog character: MexiKetchup, got a glimpse into the life of yours truly.

Since starting this blog so many months ago, I find myself saying out loud: ‘This is why I blog’ more and more. I knew that my life was… different… than most, but now that I have a venue in which to share that, I feel that it is becoming more and more apparent. It’s as if the universe is fully in support of this blog and therefore, will continue to supply me with ample material in which to write about.

So needless to say, today was a perfect glance into the life of MrsWaterCloset.

I have to start at the very beginning of the day, and for me, that was 1:30am, when I went to sleep.

My husband, Burny, used to be in a band- as you now know if you read my previous blog- called Burny and the Loco Focos. The band went their separate ways well before he and I started dating, but he is still asked to play here and there at random events, as a solo artist.

Last night was one such occasion.

So even though Burny had to work this morning in South Lake Tahoe at 7am and even though there was one hell of a storm coming in, Burny is not the type of guy who uses the word ‘no’ very frequently. This makes him an amazing husband. This also makes him over committed.

Burny and I got into bed at 1:30 in the morning, and he set his alarm for 4:30am. Poor kid. I, however, have been incredibly busy and have not had a chance to catch up with my life, so after Burny fell asleep around 2am, I jumped on my new iphone- I have officially moved into the ‘smart phone’ age- and begin writing notes out for the training I was supposed to give at noon today. Yes, at 2am I was only just getting around to planning the presentation I was going to give to 30 people about 10 hours later. That’s how crazy my life has been lately. But that’s neither here nor there, the point is, I didn’t get to bed until around 3am.

Burny’s alarm went off a mere 1 1/2 hours later at 4:30am and he was up and moving. Now because Burny and I are on somewhat different schedules, as you can plainly see, I have programmed myself to simply ignore Burny’s alarm when it goes off that early in the morning. Because let’s face it… there is usually something keeping me up until all hours of the night- often times this very blog- and so I have had to adapt. I literally can just roll back over and go to sleep. Even when he is saying good bye to me, I do my very best to come into consciousness just enough to answer his questions or give him a kiss, and then I am asleep again as if I had never been disturbed at all. It has taken me some time to perfect this skill, but it is working out well for me now. Of course, it is much easier to stay on the brink of unconsciousness when I have only fallen asleep a few hours before.

This morning was not unlike any other morning when Burny leaves for work. He wakes up, showers, gets dressed in the dark while I sleep, kisses me goodnight and he is on his way. It’s gotten to the point that our 9 month old retriever doesn’t even budge when Burny gets up. It’s pretty impressive. And occasionally, Burny does wake me up to give me some crucial information that is really important, which is really annoying because then I am forced to wake up completely to really register that information before I am allowed to go back to sleep.

Today was one of those mornings.

“I’m going to lock the door and put the kep under the mat.”

Now, apparently Burny said this, and apparently I said ‘okay’ and apparently my eyes were open and I seemed coherent enough and apparently Burny thought that the information had been successfully transferred…

I remember none of this.

I woke up at 8am and text messaged Burny to make sure he made it safely to work and sure enough, he had not yet made it up the hill!! At 8am… the kid left before 5am!! A tree had fallen into the road. Not just into, but all the way across. It was blocking the entire road in both directions and because the snow was so bad, it took crews 2 hours to clear the thing off! Burny, having only gotten a few hours of sleep, took that time to pull off the road and take a 2 hour nap. But he was, of course, late for work. He is a probie firefighter. This is not a good thing.

So after that, I was unable to go back to sleep. I decided to jump in the shower and start my day. After all, I was going to be training at a retreat and I needed to be fresh and prepared. Well… MexiKatchup, who was riding with me to Sacramento, text me around 10am to tell me that her sister was in the Emergency room because she had cut her hand wide open making breakfast. She wasn’t sure if she was going to be able to make it to the retreat that I was so excited about.

Then another team member text me and said that her car wouldn’t start and she wasn’t sure if she was going to be able to come.

Then it wouldn’t jump when her friend got there to jump it.

It was just going to be one of those mornings. I hate to say when it rains, it pours, but today was the first really big winter storm and man was it pouring this morning!

So after cleaning up my mom’s kitchen after my muddy dog destroyed it, I drug the dog out to my car and took him across town to my in-laws. I pulled up and they were both out in their front yard basically re-planting a tree that my dog had nearly dug up the day before. Awkward.

On my way back home to pick up my mom, MexiKatchup confirmed that her sister needed 17 stitches and that I should just go onto the training without her. Disappointing, but meanwhile, the other teammate had gotten her car going and was in route.

About 15 minutes late, my mom and I got in the car to head to Sacramento. Of course I was out of gas, so even though I was running late and it was raining, I had to fill up my car. Isn’t that always the way? I never run out of gas on sunny, warm days. And to top it off, the little do-dah that holds the handle down for you so you can wait in your warm car while your gas pumps, was notably missing from my pump this morning. I had to stand in the cold and rain the entire time the gas pumped.

The drive to Sacramento was thankfully uneventful and the training went beautifully. I have to say I was incredibly inspired and excited about my life and the path I’ve chosen. That’s always good. However, it goes without saying that a room full of women talking about changing lives will not end without a few tears, and I regret to inform you that I did, in fact, ugly face cry at this event.

Once the training was over, I was in kind of a hurry to get back to town. I had exactly 1 1/2 hours to get home, get changed and ready, and get on the road towards another presentation that was staring 1 1/2 hours away from Woodland at 7:30. I had alloted myself just enough time.

And what happens when you allot yourself just enough time?

Something out of the ordinary, that you could not have foreseen, will happen!

Upon returning to my car, my mom pointed out that I had a flat tire. A flat tire!! I mean, come on! I’ve never changed a tire before. I’ve luckily never had to. And so I just stood there staring at the car saying the F word over and over again.

“Well,” I thought to myself, “At least I’m in the driveway of someone I know.” And better yet… her husband is home!

My mom and I gave this whole tire changing thing a go, but when the husband came out to help, he informed us that we had literally done everything wrong. He lowered the car back down, put all my tools in my trunk and went to his garage to get his superior tools to finish the job.

Just then, it started to sprinkle.

Don’t worry… it only took about 46 seconds for that sprinkle to turn into a solid rain. And then another 79 seconds for it to become just ridiculous. It was absolutely pouring! And it didn’t help that I was already behind schedule because now I would have NO time to fix my hair and make up, which was now completely irreparable of course. I mean, it’s bad enough to have to change a tire when you’re running late… but in the pouring rain?? This is why I blog.

And in case you were wondering, yes, the doughnut tire in my trunk was flat. No big deal… the magical husband had an air pump that was able to reach all the way out to the street. And just so we are clear, I have a new iphone… and there is NOT an app for any of this!!

So if this were a normal set back, I would simply go approx 15 miles over the speed limit on the drive home to make up time. But because we were driving on a doughnut, that was potentially no good anyway, we were forced to drive under 50 mph the entire way back. WONDERFUL! And let me tell you… when you are driving in the pouring rain, with angry cars behind you, on a doughnut that may or may not be defective, you really notice just how torn up the roads really are. I mean they are bad. Every bump felt like the end of my life.

I got home, finally, with about 15 minutes to finish up some business, change my clothes, and salvage what I could of my hair and make up. And let me tell you, I was feeling the pressure. After the incredibly stressful drive home, and then the running around like a chicken with my head cut off at home, I was really in no mood to drive another 1 1/2 hours to the bay area to do a presentation.

MexiKatchup got to my house just after 5:30pm. She walked in the door and told me that her host had had a lot of cancellations last-minute because of the storm. She wanted to know if we wanted to reschedule the presentation. Basically, what she was saying was that all my running around and panic and rushing home on a faulty doughnut was for nothing. Blah.

“I need to eat,” was all I could think to say. Since we weren’t going to the bay area, and I was no longer in a mad dash, I finally had time to register that I was starving. I hadn’t really eaten much all day. I suggested In N Out Burger. Always a crowd pleaser.

So as I was walking out the door, my mom mentioned that she was going to be gone before I got back. I almost didn’t take my purse with me, but luckily, after hearing her say that… I grabbed it.

MexiKatchup and I maneuvered through the terrible storm to In N Out Burger. And let me just say, there was quite a storm going on tonight. There was wind, and lightning and thunder. It was no joke. I have a really hard time seeing at night and with all the rain on the roads and the light reflecting… let’s just say I was glad that I was not driving.

So we made it safely to and from In N Out, and as promised, my mom was gone when we returned to the house. This would not normally be a problem, except it happened today and so of course, nothing was normal. I had been using the garage door opener because Burny had had the house key to my mom’s. The garage door opener had been working perfectly fine. In fact, I had just used it no more than 10 minutes before MexiKatchup had arrived to pick me up.

But now… in the pouring rain… with burgers and purses and drinks… the garage door opener decided to give up.

Really??

I called my mom… she was already long gone. This was going to have to be up to me. And even though I had thought about changing out of my nice clothes once I realized we were not going to the bay area… I decided that I would just wait until after I ate to get comfortable.

So in my nice jeans, high-heeled boots, and cashmere sweater, I climbed on top of the dirty, slippery garbage can and I reached over the fence and jimmy rigged the lock open and I climbed my way into the back yard of my mom’s house. I was absolutely soaked. I want to make sure you are getting a full visual. Soaked.

And of course, nothing is unlocked. Nothing. I knew that my bedroom window was unlocked but in the pouring rain, my frozen fingers just could not pry the screen out of its frame. There was no way into the house. No escaping the storm.

I climbed back over the fence and used MexiKatchup’s phone to call my mom. I had left my phone on the charger inside so I didn’t have access to any phone numbers other than hers. She was going to be our only hope.

Her suggestion: go to Target and buy some new batteries for the garage door opener. Not a bad idea, except that try as we might, MexiKatchup and I could NOT get the damn thing to open! We couldn’t even see what kind of batteries to buy! But my mom just didn’t want to accept that. She proceeded to tell me how to open the device that she could not see and refused to believe that it would not open easily. She then suggested that I go to the neighbor’s house to ask them for assistance. Exactly what they were going to do for us that we couldn’t do for ourselves, I’m not sure.

MexiKatchup and I got back in the car and ate our In N Out with the heater on. This is why I blog.

My mom ultimately did have to come back to the house to let us in. She found a way to open her own garage door opener and determined that the batteries that were inside were not going to be readily available at Target. She drove all the way back, opened the door and let us in. We had been out in the storm for nearly 45 minutes.

About 20 minutes later, Burny called. I told him about my getting myself locked out of the house and that is when he reminded me that the key was under the mat the whole time. Like I said, apparently he told me that this morning. Great. Amazing.

I’m an idiot.

This is why I blog.

When nature attacks

2 Sep

Since today is a ‘Sisterhood of the Traveling Thursday’ and I haven’t blogged on a Thursday in quite some time, I felt that although it’s nearly Friday (11:36pm), I really should squeeze in a traveling story.

And since I’ve only really talked about my travels abroad, I think that it’s only fair to bring things domestic this time around. Because after all… I do actually spend more time traveling around this great country than I do in others…

So alas…

This is one of my most ridiculous travel stories.

It takes place when I was about 19 years old, a sophomore in college, living in San Diego. I remember it specifically because we were living in the haunted house at the time (still a blog to look forward to once I can figure out how to put that into words) and I only lived there while I was 19 years old.

Not really important.

It was late December. As a matter of fact, I will go ahead and say that it was 23rd of December. This is important, obviously, because my roommates and I were still in San Diego and needed to be in Northern California for Christmas. This is the whole problem that starts the travel story from hell. The problem, however, was not necessarily that we weren’t home YET. Obviously in any normal world there would be plenty of time to get home in time for Christmas. The problem was that there was a giant, unstoppable, unpredictable, immeasurable, CRAZY storm approaching…

Let’s go back a moment.

KayTown, DMo- my roommate in the haunted house and all around great friend- and I were planning to drive home in a caravan. DMo and KayTown lived in the mountains, while I lived in the valley, but we all lived North. So it made sense for us to travel together because after all… there is safety in numbers…

In most situations.

So KayTown, DMo and I, very aware of the fact that there was a storm on the way, came up with a plan: We were going to stay awake all night so that we would be able to sleep the following afternoon and early nightfall. And then we would be able to wake up around midnight/1am and drive home having been well rested. This was our original, brilliant plan to avoid the on coming, moderate storm.

Stupid Sophomores.

So after we stay up the entire night, KayTown and I were at work, exhausted, and we were checking out the approaching weather pattern…

I am not kidding you… a HUGE, California sized green blob was engulfing the west coast on the doppler radar.  It did not look good. And it definitely looked like A) things were much worse than the weather men had anticipated (if you can believe that) and B) it was coming much sooner than the weather men had predicted as well.

Shit.

So Kay and I thought things out and talked it over with our boss and headed home with only one solution in mind.

DMo, however, was already fast asleep… carrying out the original plan (Sleep in the afternoon to prepare for the long ride home in the middle of the night).

Kay and I, even though we had had NO sleep ourselves, knew we had no other option. We woke him up and we told him that the plan had to be pushed up.

To now.

It took some convincing I assure you, but about an hour or so, and 3 espresso shots later, DMo (very grudgingly), Kay and I were on the road.

DMo drove his convertible SeaBreeze behind  Kay and I (with the top up of course). And Kay and I, and all of our things for the month-long winter break were crammed into her 1938 Jeep, with a tarp for a roof.

Why you might ask?

Because Kay was going to be purchasing a new car in Nor Cal and needed to bring her old OLD car back home, and my car (a new Ford Contour) was missing… yes missing. It had been stolen. But don’t worry… I got it back a few months later.

But anyway… that’s why we were in the Jeep.

So off we went, at about 10:15pm, under what appeared to be a perfectly clear sky.

But the green mass on the doppler was telling us that any moment, things would become really interesting.

Our main concern at that point: The Grapevine closing. Who would have ever guessed that it snowed anywhere in LA ever? Well I guess that the Grapevine gets to a high enough elevation that in some storms, there is snow. And because no one in LA would ever have any idea how to drive in snow, they always close down the road when this happens.

This would 100% insure that we would not be home  in time for Christmas.

The weather man claimed the road would be closed by midnight.

We were racing the clock.

So we took off, DMo in toe, video rolling. Yes, it’s true. Amazingly enough, most of my college career was caught on tape!

We made it to about  Disneyland before we saw any rain at all. However, that does not mean that the trip had not yet become eventful. Please do keep in mind that we had not slept and that we were in a tarp covered car with nothing more than a 6 pound bag of gummy bears to eat.

We realized very quickly that a tarp covered Jeep was not really  meant to be on the freeway. Between the ripping wind and the jolting clutch, it was not a very smooth ride.

And LOUD! Let me tell you… by the time we made it home (11 1/2 hours later) Kay and I had no voice at all from yelling at each other over the sound of the wind. Not to mention, we didn’t have a stereo, so I held a boom box in my lap the entire ride and we sang along at the top of our lungs (when we weren’t in  fear for our lives).

And FREEZING!! If a tarp covered Jeep is not meant to be on the freeway, it’s certainly not meant to be on the freeway in the dead of winter! Kay and I had on sweats, beanies, sweatshirts with hoods, gloves, blankets and we could see our breath in the air the entire night.

So yes, even before the storm caught up to us, we were already having a very adventurous time.

So around Disneyland, the rain started. It was light at first, but quickly got harder and harder.

If a tarp covered Jeep is not meant to be on the freeway and it’s certainly not meant to be on the freeway in the dead of winter, then it is most definitely not supposed to be on the freeway in pouring rain.

Now we were getting wet as well.

As we approached the bottom of the Grapevine, we pulled off the freeway. We needed gas, but we were in a hurry. It was nearly midnight and the storm was ripping. I am not kidding you. It was hard to stand up straight in the extreme wind. The trees were doubling over and the rain felt like pellets. It was actually very scary, but we were doped up on gummy bears.

We got back in our respective cars, and for Kay and I that meant no escape from the piercing cold, and we headed up the Grapevine, which we were hoping and praying would not be closed.

We made it to the top and just as we were about 5 miles from cresting, the snow started…

And it wasn’t just a little snow… it was hard-core, mountain snow, right in the middle of Ventura county. Lucky for me, both Kay and DMo lived in the snow, so they knew how to drive in those conditions. The other drivers, however, did not. It’s no wonder they have to close that road at the first sign of snow. Our windshield was being covered as quickly as we could wipe it, and the lanes on the road were indistinguishable. These cars were shooting by us going the normal 70mph. I couldn’t believe it.

And wouldn’t you know it… as SOON as we got to the other side of the summit, we saw a long line of cars coming the opposite direction stopped along the roadway. It was literally JUST after midnight and the Grapevine was being closed. I couldn’t believe it.

If we would have decided to take our chances with our original plan, or even if we had decided to leave 10 minutes later… we wouldn’t have made it home for Christmas.

So needless to say… we were in a really good mood coming down that hill. And as we were coming out of the snow and returning to the normal, crazy windy rain storm, we were really thinking that the  worst was behind us.

Ha.

That’s not how it works when nature attacks.

At the bottom of the Grapevine we saw, way out in the distance, a glowing light. Now, it is pouring rain and it has been for quite some time. If you have driven up I5 you know that at this point in the journey, there is nothing left to look at. Especially at night. The middle of this busy state, California, is simply empty. It’s very weird.

So naturally, this glowing light caught our attention  and held our attention for the 5 or so minutes it took us to actually approach the glowing light.

As we got closer, we could see that it was off to the side of the road, maybe 50 or so yards off to the left, and then suddenly we realized… it was a fire.

A fire on top of a pole… Assumably a telephone pole of some sort. But there was really no sign at all as to how or why it was burning. No car wreak. No down power lines. No other sign of any damage. Just one large fire at the top  of this one pole.

In the pouring rain.

At that point I got a call from DMo asking me if we too could see the fire. Um… yes. He also had no idea as to what could cause such an unexplainable fire.

We laughed, the three of us, about how random our trip had been. First clear skies. Then rain, then ripping crazy wind, then snow, then fire… I mean, what could be left?

Fog.

Yes, fog came next.

A few hours up the road the rain started to let up and the terrible wind started to die down… which I have to point out, really did nothing for our hearing conditions in the tarp covered Jeep.

And just as we were thinking “Maybe we are through it”, Mother Nature came and slapped us across the face.

All of the sudden, out of nowhere, we found ourselves in the thickest, most dense fog I’ve ever seen in my life. And it was still freezing.

We could hardly see DMo’s headlights behind us and we were sure that at any moment, we were going to smash into the car of another stupid college duo in front of us who we couldn’t see because of the crazy fog.

But alas, we made it through the fog too.

And then we stopped for gas again.

By this point in the trip, all three of us were fried. I mean, haven’t slept, been at a 9 on the stress scale for hours, freezing and annoyed kind of fried. We got out at the gas station, completely empty except for us morons, and we danced. We turned up DMo’s car radio and blasted “Move your body” by Eiffel 65 as loud as we could and we danced. It was one of the most amazing moments of my life.

When we were ready to leave, I offered to drive the tarp covered Jeep but Kay didn’t think it was such a good idea considering I didn’t know how to drive stick. I figured two things:

1) Once I got on the freeway, there would be no more need to change gears and

2) It’s not like I trip could get any worse…

Kay still said no. DMo agreed. There was NO WAY we were going to throw that out in the universe to be screwed with. Clearly, things were not going our way as it was.

Back in the car, we drove right into more windy rain. It seriously felt like the longest, most incredible journey of our  lives. And although we managed to maintain a sense of humor about the whole thing… we were definitely over it by hour 7.

The pouring rain and terrible wind continued the rest of the way. I remember coming into Woodland over the river and across the coz-way. We were trying to pass this huge semi in the rain and wind on that narrow road and the truck kept creeping into our lane because the wind was pushing it so hard and I was thinking… We are going to make it this far, through all that, and we are going to die 5 minutes away from home.

They were both going to be spending the night at my house before continuing on into the mountains.

But  we didn’t die. We lived. We made it all the way home. And we made it in time for Christmas. We got home on the morning of Christmas Eve I believe. Early in the morning. And we were very grateful to have made it in one piece.

I will never forget looking at that Doppler radar picture and seeing the entire state of California being swallowed up…

We lived it.

We survived when nature attacks.