A day in the life…

So today, my friend and new blog character: MexiKetchup, got a glimpse into the life of yours truly.

Since starting this blog so many months ago, I find myself saying out loud: ‘This is why I blog’ more and more. I knew that my life was… different… than most, but now that I have a venue in which to share that, I feel that it is becoming more and more apparent. It’s as if the universe is fully in support of this blog and therefore, will continue to supply me with ample material in which to write about.

So needless to say, today was a perfect glance into the life of MrsWaterCloset.

I have to start at the very beginning of the day, and for me, that was 1:30am, when I went to sleep.

My husband, Burny, used to be in a band- as you now know if you read my previous blog- called Burny and the Loco Focos. The band went their separate ways well before he and I started dating, but he is still asked to play here and there at random events, as a solo artist.

Last night was one such occasion.

So even though Burny had to work this morning in South Lake Tahoe at 7am and even though there was one hell of a storm coming in, Burny is not the type of guy who uses the word ‘no’ very frequently. This makes him an amazing husband. This also makes him over committed.

Burny and I got into bed at 1:30 in the morning, and he set his alarm for 4:30am. Poor kid. I, however, have been incredibly busy and have not had a chance to catch up with my life, so after Burny fell asleep around 2am, I jumped on my new iphone- I have officially moved into the ‘smart phone’ age- and begin writing notes out for the training I was supposed to give at noon today. Yes, at 2am I was only just getting around to planning the presentation I was going to give to 30 people about 10 hours later. That’s how crazy my life has been lately. But that’s neither here nor there, the point is, I didn’t get to bed until around 3am.

Burny’s alarm went off a mere 1 1/2 hours later at 4:30am and he was up and moving. Now because Burny and I are on somewhat different schedules, as you can plainly see, I have programmed myself to simply ignore Burny’s alarm when it goes off that early in the morning. Because let’s face it… there is usually something keeping me up until all hours of the night- often times this very blog- and so I have had to adapt. I literally can just roll back over and go to sleep. Even when he is saying good bye to me, I do my very best to come into consciousness just enough to answer his questions or give him a kiss, and then I am asleep again as if I had never been disturbed at all. It has taken me some time to perfect this skill, but it is working out well for me now. Of course, it is much easier to stay on the brink of unconsciousness when I have only fallen asleep a few hours before.

This morning was not unlike any other morning when Burny leaves for work. He wakes up, showers, gets dressed in the dark while I sleep, kisses me goodnight and he is on his way. It’s gotten to the point that our 9 month old retriever doesn’t even budge when Burny gets up. It’s pretty impressive. And occasionally, Burny does wake me up to give me some crucial information that is really important, which is really annoying because then I am forced to wake up completely to really register that information before I am allowed to go back to sleep.

Today was one of those mornings.

“I’m going to lock the door and put the kep under the mat.”

Now, apparently Burny said this, and apparently I said ‘okay’ and apparently my eyes were open and I seemed coherent enough and apparently Burny thought that the information had been successfully transferred…

I remember none of this.

I woke up at 8am and text messaged Burny to make sure he made it safely to work and sure enough, he had not yet made it up the hill!! At 8am… the kid left before 5am!! A tree had fallen into the road. Not just into, but all the way across. It was blocking the entire road in both directions and because the snow was so bad, it took crews 2 hours to clear the thing off! Burny, having only gotten a few hours of sleep, took that time to pull off the road and take a 2 hour nap. But he was, of course, late for work. He is a probie firefighter. This is not a good thing.

So after that, I was unable to go back to sleep. I decided to jump in the shower and start my day. After all, I was going to be training at a retreat and I needed to be fresh and prepared. Well… MexiKatchup, who was riding with me to Sacramento, text me around 10am to tell me that her sister was in the Emergency room because she had cut her hand wide open making breakfast. She wasn’t sure if she was going to be able to make it to the retreat that I was so excited about.

Then another team member text me and said that her car wouldn’t start and she wasn’t sure if she was going to be able to come.

Then it wouldn’t jump when her friend got there to jump it.

It was just going to be one of those mornings. I hate to say when it rains, it pours, but today was the first really big winter storm and man was it pouring this morning!

So after cleaning up my mom’s kitchen after my muddy dog destroyed it, I drug the dog out to my car and took him across town to my in-laws. I pulled up and they were both out in their front yard basically re-planting a tree that my dog had nearly dug up the day before. Awkward.

On my way back home to pick up my mom, MexiKatchup confirmed that her sister needed 17 stitches and that I should just go onto the training without her. Disappointing, but meanwhile, the other teammate had gotten her car going and was in route.

About 15 minutes late, my mom and I got in the car to head to Sacramento. Of course I was out of gas, so even though I was running late and it was raining, I had to fill up my car. Isn’t that always the way? I never run out of gas on sunny, warm days. And to top it off, the little do-dah that holds the handle down for you so you can wait in your warm car while your gas pumps, was notably missing from my pump this morning. I had to stand in the cold and rain the entire time the gas pumped.

The drive to Sacramento was thankfully uneventful and the training went beautifully. I have to say I was incredibly inspired and excited about my life and the path I’ve chosen. That’s always good. However, it goes without saying that a room full of women talking about changing lives will not end without a few tears, and I regret to inform you that I did, in fact, ugly face cry at this event.

Once the training was over, I was in kind of a hurry to get back to town. I had exactly 1 1/2 hours to get home, get changed and ready, and get on the road towards another presentation that was staring 1 1/2 hours away from Woodland at 7:30. I had alloted myself just enough time.

And what happens when you allot yourself just enough time?

Something out of the ordinary, that you could not have foreseen, will happen!

Upon returning to my car, my mom pointed out that I had a flat tire. A flat tire!! I mean, come on! I’ve never changed a tire before. I’ve luckily never had to. And so I just stood there staring at the car saying the F word over and over again.

“Well,” I thought to myself, “At least I’m in the driveway of someone I know.” And better yet… her husband is home!

My mom and I gave this whole tire changing thing a go, but when the husband came out to help, he informed us that we had literally done everything wrong. He lowered the car back down, put all my tools in my trunk and went to his garage to get his superior tools to finish the job.

Just then, it started to sprinkle.

Don’t worry… it only took about 46 seconds for that sprinkle to turn into a solid rain. And then another 79 seconds for it to become just ridiculous. It was absolutely pouring! And it didn’t help that I was already behind schedule because now I would have NO time to fix my hair and make up, which was now completely irreparable of course. I mean, it’s bad enough to have to change a tire when you’re running late… but in the pouring rain?? This is why I blog.

And in case you were wondering, yes, the doughnut tire in my trunk was flat. No big deal… the magical husband had an air pump that was able to reach all the way out to the street. And just so we are clear, I have a new iphone… and there is NOT an app for any of this!!

So if this were a normal set back, I would simply go approx 15 miles over the speed limit on the drive home to make up time. But because we were driving on a doughnut, that was potentially no good anyway, we were forced to drive under 50 mph the entire way back. WONDERFUL! And let me tell you… when you are driving in the pouring rain, with angry cars behind you, on a doughnut that may or may not be defective, you really notice just how torn up the roads really are. I mean they are bad. Every bump felt like the end of my life.

I got home, finally, with about 15 minutes to finish up some business, change my clothes, and salvage what I could of my hair and make up. And let me tell you, I was feeling the pressure. After the incredibly stressful drive home, and then the running around like a chicken with my head cut off at home, I was really in no mood to drive another 1 1/2 hours to the bay area to do a presentation.

MexiKatchup got to my house just after 5:30pm. She walked in the door and told me that her host had had a lot of cancellations last-minute because of the storm. She wanted to know if we wanted to reschedule the presentation. Basically, what she was saying was that all my running around and panic and rushing home on a faulty doughnut was for nothing. Blah.

“I need to eat,” was all I could think to say. Since we weren’t going to the bay area, and I was no longer in a mad dash, I finally had time to register that I was starving. I hadn’t really eaten much all day. I suggested In N Out Burger. Always a crowd pleaser.

So as I was walking out the door, my mom mentioned that she was going to be gone before I got back. I almost didn’t take my purse with me, but luckily, after hearing her say that… I grabbed it.

MexiKatchup and I maneuvered through the terrible storm to In N Out Burger. And let me just say, there was quite a storm going on tonight. There was wind, and lightning and thunder. It was no joke. I have a really hard time seeing at night and with all the rain on the roads and the light reflecting… let’s just say I was glad that I was not driving.

So we made it safely to and from In N Out, and as promised, my mom was gone when we returned to the house. This would not normally be a problem, except it happened today and so of course, nothing was normal. I had been using the garage door opener because Burny had had the house key to my mom’s. The garage door opener had been working perfectly fine. In fact, I had just used it no more than 10 minutes before MexiKatchup had arrived to pick me up.

But now… in the pouring rain… with burgers and purses and drinks… the garage door opener decided to give up.

Really??

I called my mom… she was already long gone. This was going to have to be up to me. And even though I had thought about changing out of my nice clothes once I realized we were not going to the bay area… I decided that I would just wait until after I ate to get comfortable.

So in my nice jeans, high-heeled boots, and cashmere sweater, I climbed on top of the dirty, slippery garbage can and I reached over the fence and jimmy rigged the lock open and I climbed my way into the back yard of my mom’s house. I was absolutely soaked. I want to make sure you are getting a full visual. Soaked.

And of course, nothing is unlocked. Nothing. I knew that my bedroom window was unlocked but in the pouring rain, my frozen fingers just could not pry the screen out of its frame. There was no way into the house. No escaping the storm.

I climbed back over the fence and used MexiKatchup’s phone to call my mom. I had left my phone on the charger inside so I didn’t have access to any phone numbers other than hers. She was going to be our only hope.

Her suggestion: go to Target and buy some new batteries for the garage door opener. Not a bad idea, except that try as we might, MexiKatchup and I could NOT get the damn thing to open! We couldn’t even see what kind of batteries to buy! But my mom just didn’t want to accept that. She proceeded to tell me how to open the device that she could not see and refused to believe that it would not open easily. She then suggested that I go to the neighbor’s house to ask them for assistance. Exactly what they were going to do for us that we couldn’t do for ourselves, I’m not sure.

MexiKatchup and I got back in the car and ate our In N Out with the heater on. This is why I blog.

My mom ultimately did have to come back to the house to let us in. She found a way to open her own garage door opener and determined that the batteries that were inside were not going to be readily available at Target. She drove all the way back, opened the door and let us in. We had been out in the storm for nearly 45 minutes.

About 20 minutes later, Burny called. I told him about my getting myself locked out of the house and that is when he reminded me that the key was under the mat the whole time. Like I said, apparently he told me that this morning. Great. Amazing.

I’m an idiot.

This is why I blog.

When nature attacks

Since today is a ‘Sisterhood of the Traveling Thursday’ and I haven’t blogged on a Thursday in quite some time, I felt that although it’s nearly Friday (11:36pm), I really should squeeze in a traveling story.

And since I’ve only really talked about my travels abroad, I think that it’s only fair to bring things domestic this time around. Because after all… I do actually spend more time traveling around this great country than I do in others…

So alas…

This is one of my most ridiculous travel stories.

It takes place when I was about 19 years old, a sophomore in college, living in San Diego. I remember it specifically because we were living in the haunted house at the time (still a blog to look forward to once I can figure out how to put that into words) and I only lived there while I was 19 years old.

Not really important.

It was late December. As a matter of fact, I will go ahead and say that it was 23rd of December. This is important, obviously, because my roommates and I were still in San Diego and needed to be in Northern California for Christmas. This is the whole problem that starts the travel story from hell. The problem, however, was not necessarily that we weren’t home YET. Obviously in any normal world there would be plenty of time to get home in time for Christmas. The problem was that there was a giant, unstoppable, unpredictable, immeasurable, CRAZY storm approaching…

Let’s go back a moment.

KayTown, DMo- my roommate in the haunted house and all around great friend- and I were planning to drive home in a caravan. DMo and KayTown lived in the mountains, while I lived in the valley, but we all lived North. So it made sense for us to travel together because after all… there is safety in numbers…

In most situations.

So KayTown, DMo and I, very aware of the fact that there was a storm on the way, came up with a plan: We were going to stay awake all night so that we would be able to sleep the following afternoon and early nightfall. And then we would be able to wake up around midnight/1am and drive home having been well rested. This was our original, brilliant plan to avoid the on coming, moderate storm.

Stupid Sophomores.

So after we stay up the entire night, KayTown and I were at work, exhausted, and we were checking out the approaching weather pattern…

I am not kidding you… a HUGE, California sized green blob was engulfing the west coast on the doppler radar.  It did not look good. And it definitely looked like A) things were much worse than the weather men had anticipated (if you can believe that) and B) it was coming much sooner than the weather men had predicted as well.

Shit.

So Kay and I thought things out and talked it over with our boss and headed home with only one solution in mind.

DMo, however, was already fast asleep… carrying out the original plan (Sleep in the afternoon to prepare for the long ride home in the middle of the night).

Kay and I, even though we had had NO sleep ourselves, knew we had no other option. We woke him up and we told him that the plan had to be pushed up.

To now.

It took some convincing I assure you, but about an hour or so, and 3 espresso shots later, DMo (very grudgingly), Kay and I were on the road.

DMo drove his convertible SeaBreeze behind  Kay and I (with the top up of course). And Kay and I, and all of our things for the month-long winter break were crammed into her 1938 Jeep, with a tarp for a roof.

Why you might ask?

Because Kay was going to be purchasing a new car in Nor Cal and needed to bring her old OLD car back home, and my car (a new Ford Contour) was missing… yes missing. It had been stolen. But don’t worry… I got it back a few months later.

But anyway… that’s why we were in the Jeep.

So off we went, at about 10:15pm, under what appeared to be a perfectly clear sky.

But the green mass on the doppler was telling us that any moment, things would become really interesting.

Our main concern at that point: The Grapevine closing. Who would have ever guessed that it snowed anywhere in LA ever? Well I guess that the Grapevine gets to a high enough elevation that in some storms, there is snow. And because no one in LA would ever have any idea how to drive in snow, they always close down the road when this happens.

This would 100% insure that we would not be home  in time for Christmas.

The weather man claimed the road would be closed by midnight.

We were racing the clock.

So we took off, DMo in toe, video rolling. Yes, it’s true. Amazingly enough, most of my college career was caught on tape!

We made it to about  Disneyland before we saw any rain at all. However, that does not mean that the trip had not yet become eventful. Please do keep in mind that we had not slept and that we were in a tarp covered car with nothing more than a 6 pound bag of gummy bears to eat.

We realized very quickly that a tarp covered Jeep was not really  meant to be on the freeway. Between the ripping wind and the jolting clutch, it was not a very smooth ride.

And LOUD! Let me tell you… by the time we made it home (11 1/2 hours later) Kay and I had no voice at all from yelling at each other over the sound of the wind. Not to mention, we didn’t have a stereo, so I held a boom box in my lap the entire ride and we sang along at the top of our lungs (when we weren’t in  fear for our lives).

And FREEZING!! If a tarp covered Jeep is not meant to be on the freeway, it’s certainly not meant to be on the freeway in the dead of winter! Kay and I had on sweats, beanies, sweatshirts with hoods, gloves, blankets and we could see our breath in the air the entire night.

So yes, even before the storm caught up to us, we were already having a very adventurous time.

So around Disneyland, the rain started. It was light at first, but quickly got harder and harder.

If a tarp covered Jeep is not meant to be on the freeway and it’s certainly not meant to be on the freeway in the dead of winter, then it is most definitely not supposed to be on the freeway in pouring rain.

Now we were getting wet as well.

As we approached the bottom of the Grapevine, we pulled off the freeway. We needed gas, but we were in a hurry. It was nearly midnight and the storm was ripping. I am not kidding you. It was hard to stand up straight in the extreme wind. The trees were doubling over and the rain felt like pellets. It was actually very scary, but we were doped up on gummy bears.

We got back in our respective cars, and for Kay and I that meant no escape from the piercing cold, and we headed up the Grapevine, which we were hoping and praying would not be closed.

We made it to the top and just as we were about 5 miles from cresting, the snow started…

And it wasn’t just a little snow… it was hard-core, mountain snow, right in the middle of Ventura county. Lucky for me, both Kay and DMo lived in the snow, so they knew how to drive in those conditions. The other drivers, however, did not. It’s no wonder they have to close that road at the first sign of snow. Our windshield was being covered as quickly as we could wipe it, and the lanes on the road were indistinguishable. These cars were shooting by us going the normal 70mph. I couldn’t believe it.

And wouldn’t you know it… as SOON as we got to the other side of the summit, we saw a long line of cars coming the opposite direction stopped along the roadway. It was literally JUST after midnight and the Grapevine was being closed. I couldn’t believe it.

If we would have decided to take our chances with our original plan, or even if we had decided to leave 10 minutes later… we wouldn’t have made it home for Christmas.

So needless to say… we were in a really good mood coming down that hill. And as we were coming out of the snow and returning to the normal, crazy windy rain storm, we were really thinking that the  worst was behind us.

Ha.

That’s not how it works when nature attacks.

At the bottom of the Grapevine we saw, way out in the distance, a glowing light. Now, it is pouring rain and it has been for quite some time. If you have driven up I5 you know that at this point in the journey, there is nothing left to look at. Especially at night. The middle of this busy state, California, is simply empty. It’s very weird.

So naturally, this glowing light caught our attention  and held our attention for the 5 or so minutes it took us to actually approach the glowing light.

As we got closer, we could see that it was off to the side of the road, maybe 50 or so yards off to the left, and then suddenly we realized… it was a fire.

A fire on top of a pole… Assumably a telephone pole of some sort. But there was really no sign at all as to how or why it was burning. No car wreak. No down power lines. No other sign of any damage. Just one large fire at the top  of this one pole.

In the pouring rain.

At that point I got a call from DMo asking me if we too could see the fire. Um… yes. He also had no idea as to what could cause such an unexplainable fire.

We laughed, the three of us, about how random our trip had been. First clear skies. Then rain, then ripping crazy wind, then snow, then fire… I mean, what could be left?

Fog.

Yes, fog came next.

A few hours up the road the rain started to let up and the terrible wind started to die down… which I have to point out, really did nothing for our hearing conditions in the tarp covered Jeep.

And just as we were thinking “Maybe we are through it”, Mother Nature came and slapped us across the face.

All of the sudden, out of nowhere, we found ourselves in the thickest, most dense fog I’ve ever seen in my life. And it was still freezing.

We could hardly see DMo’s headlights behind us and we were sure that at any moment, we were going to smash into the car of another stupid college duo in front of us who we couldn’t see because of the crazy fog.

But alas, we made it through the fog too.

And then we stopped for gas again.

By this point in the trip, all three of us were fried. I mean, haven’t slept, been at a 9 on the stress scale for hours, freezing and annoyed kind of fried. We got out at the gas station, completely empty except for us morons, and we danced. We turned up DMo’s car radio and blasted “Move your body” by Eiffel 65 as loud as we could and we danced. It was one of the most amazing moments of my life.

When we were ready to leave, I offered to drive the tarp covered Jeep but Kay didn’t think it was such a good idea considering I didn’t know how to drive stick. I figured two things:

1) Once I got on the freeway, there would be no more need to change gears and

2) It’s not like I trip could get any worse…

Kay still said no. DMo agreed. There was NO WAY we were going to throw that out in the universe to be screwed with. Clearly, things were not going our way as it was.

Back in the car, we drove right into more windy rain. It seriously felt like the longest, most incredible journey of our  lives. And although we managed to maintain a sense of humor about the whole thing… we were definitely over it by hour 7.

The pouring rain and terrible wind continued the rest of the way. I remember coming into Woodland over the river and across the coz-way. We were trying to pass this huge semi in the rain and wind on that narrow road and the truck kept creeping into our lane because the wind was pushing it so hard and I was thinking… We are going to make it this far, through all that, and we are going to die 5 minutes away from home.

They were both going to be spending the night at my house before continuing on into the mountains.

But  we didn’t die. We lived. We made it all the way home. And we made it in time for Christmas. We got home on the morning of Christmas Eve I believe. Early in the morning. And we were very grateful to have made it in one piece.

I will never forget looking at that Doppler radar picture and seeing the entire state of California being swallowed up…

We lived it.

We survived when nature attacks.