Movin’ on up

Welcome back me!

Sorry for the delay in posts. I was sailing the Caribbean on an all expenses paid, 7 day cruise! Thank you Arbonne! And so naturally, the theme of my post today is totally relevant to my hiatus from the blog. It’s about my travels through the Caribbean. Actually, it’s specifically about my experience in Jamaica, but you know… whose counting. It’s a travel Thursday so it fits.

When I was in Jamaica this past week, I had a very unique experience. If you were on the cruise with me, you will hardly consider it unique since most of us from the cruise (and any other cruise to Jamaica for that matter) had this same experience, but even still, I’m going to go ahead and call it unique.

I hiked up the face of a water fall.

And I mean quite literally just that. But let me start from the beginning.

When I was still safely home in America, I read the description of the excursions that went out from the dock in Jamaica. My Mother- my travel partner- and I decided that Jamaica would probably be our best bet for an excursion because it was the island we both knew least about. Neither of us had been there and so we figured we could stand to learn something.

So each of the excursions leaving from the dock in Jamaica all ended up at Dunn’s River Falls at one point or another during the day. Our particular excursion- that is to say, the one we ended up purchasing- went first to a plantation in Jamaica, where we were able to learn about and sample the crops, as well as tour the Great House. Then we went on to a Jamaican buffet- complete with the infamous Jerk Chicken- and then alas, we ended our afternoon at Dunn’s River Falls.

Now when I originally read about all the excursions and realized that most of the excursions went to this location, I figured that it was one of those tourist ‘must see’s’ and we would be able to climb some rocks and be done with it. Maybe take a dip if it was hot enough… but truly, it’s never that hot for me.

That is… until I experienced the heat of Jamaica. But that is neither here nor there.

When we purchased our excursion and they told us that water shoes were recommended… even then I thought that perhaps they were just covering their bases. They didn’t want us to get hurt romping around in the water.

Of course, I, completely afraid of the water, had no intention of actually going in.

When we got off the bus on Wednesday in Jamaica, I still had no idea as to what I had gotten myself into. When the old, German man in front of me took off both his shorts AND underwear AND bent down to pull up his swim shorts, exposing not only his ass but his FULL ball sack… only then did I realize that this might not be what I thought it was going to be.

And man… was I right.

We all got wrist bands as we headed into the “Dunn’s River Fall’s Park”. They asked us to get into two lines… those who were climbing the falls and those who were not. Of course I was going to climb the falls. I mean, how hard could it be? I still didn’t really expect to even get wet. I fully intended to climb right along side the water fall. How on earth would you climb a water fall even if you wanted to? I had no idea.

But the line of people forming in the ‘don’t want to climb’ line was a little unnerving.

So we headed into the park, and those of us who were climbing the falls headed down this winding path down and down and down. Farther and Farther. And all the while I could hear the sound of rushing water. I couldn’t see it… but I was painfully aware of it.

Once at the bottom of the winding cement path, we were introduced to our guide. He was a very enthusiastic gentleman. A very enthusiastic and very WET gentleman.

He led us even farther still… all the way out into the Ocean. Knee deep in the warm, Caribbean ocean I began to worry. What was about to happen to me? I mean, by that point I could see the tail end of what I could tell was an enormous water fall coming down the rocks and emptying into the ocean, but certainly there was no way of climbing up it. I mean, clearly that was a death sentence.

But climb we did. Right up the front. Just like they said we would. I just couldn’t believe what was happening…

He told us all to join hands. I grabbed my mom’s hand no problem, but the guy standing next to me was the very same German man whose balls I had just seen only 15 minutes earlier. I was a little less willing to grab onto him. But alas, the guides insisted. And the guides were quite frankly, a little too chipper for the impending doom that I could hear right around the corner.

So off we went, hand in hand… one long line of about 20 unstable tourists from all around the world. And we were all headed towards the sound… towards the water… towards a very unique experience.

At first I didn’t have a lot of time to realize what was happening. The line was moving forward and we had no choice but to continue along with them- we were all linked after all- but that didn’t help my anxiety. As we began to climb I noticed that we seemed to be moving away from deep water, and mostly sticking to wet rocks where the water had found it’s way around, but that didn’t last long. Before I knew it, I was placing my foot in the center of a jet of water that was rushing past me, challenging my footing. It was all I could do to keep my foot there, let along keep my hands in the grasp of someone else.

But you know what…

The people above me pulled me up before I even had the chance to fall… and the people below me were there when I began to falter there way.

It was truly an amazing team building activity. It’s amazing how dangling your life in the balance will really make you bond with a stranger.

But before we knew it, my mom and I were laughing, and climbing and although I don’t know when it happened… we didn’t need the help of the guy in front of us all the time anymore. But when we were about to fall… it was there; that helping hand. Just out of no where, someone would grab my elbow and prevent a whip out. It was pretty cool, I have to say.

And after 960 feet, we did get wet. At points we were chest deep in water. I even slid down a rock into a pool if you can believe that.

I know that picture makes it look totally un-scary, but trust me… it was terrible when it was happening. Sure my head stayed dry, but that’s hardly the measure of terror.

So needless to say… my mother and I climbed the front of a 960 foot water fall… right up the face of it. I can’t say that I am overcoming my fear of the water, but I do think that climbing a water fall is a step in the right direction. I mean, as long as there is a German guy there to catch you when you fall, how can you lose?

 

 

A pirate’s life for me

Imagine it…

I’m sitting in a boat that seats 4 across and there are about 7 rows. I’ve been instructed to keep my hands and arms inside the boat at all times.

No matter what.

I mean, to be fair, they don’t really specifically mention the feet or legs, but the message was clear enough to me.

So we are floating along, D’Monk and I (among others), and things are going well. There are fireflies and a banjo and I’m feeling overall really relaxed.

There is a very specific smell…

Kind of like mold and chlorine. It sounds gross, but it’s really not. I love it. And whenever I smell it, wherever I am, I always think of this place and I smile.

Suddenly, there is a voice. It’s scary, I’m not going to lie. And it’s talking nonsense. Threatening me to be honest with you.

And then we are falling. I may or may not have put my arms up, even though they have advised us not to… and even though I can’t really see the roof.

What can I say? They have convinced me it’s nighttime in the Caribbean. I can’t accurately assess the risk.

So now we are totally transported. I mean I am there.

I hear singing… I see dead people. And not in a 6th Sense kind of way. We are talking skeletons. It’s legit.

There is a storm and I can feel the rain (nearly) and then we are in a bar and literally… a skeleton is drinking a beer and it is going right through him. I can see it. I mean, this place is totally crazy.

Anyway, so we are cruising along, and we go through this dark cave and the scary voice is back. I’m not sure what it’s saying, but again, it’s threatening and I’m starting to take it personally.

But before I can do anything, we find ourselves smack dab in the middle of a battle between two HUGE ships. We are talking swords drawn, words being exchanged and cannon balls flying from one side to the next. Granted, I can’t see the actual cannon balls but I do see the splashes and they are too close for comfort. It’s really dark and based on what I have been seeing thus far, I’m pretty sure these men have been drinking.

So after we make it through that nightmare, and I’m not even sure how we do it, we find ourselves in this little village where these mean men from the ships have taken hostages. It’s not pretty, let me warn you, but they are nearly drowning a man while his wife watches from a window above.

I mean, that’s just horrid.

And then…

…another voice cuts in. It’s not the same scary voice as before. No, this time it’s a woman and it seems rather out of place. As a matter of fact, all the yelling and threatening and lovely singing these mean men have been demonstrating stops dead at the sound of her voice… But one thing remains the same. It’s still threatening…

“Keep your hands and arms inside the boat at all times.”

And as soon as she is done talking… the singing, yelling and carrying on picks up as if there has been no interruption.

It happens so quickly I’m not sure that it really did happen at all. But it doesn’t take me long to get swept back into the moment with the drowning man.

And then, just around the bend we see another mean man from the ships and he is auctioning off women, if you can believe that! I mean, I really thought we were past that in this country, but to be honest, I’m pretty sure we are now near Spain or something based on the accents.

So this guy is very rudely auctioning off this overweight woman who is tied to him, like she is truly a slave, and then I realize something…

We’ve been watching this auction for quite some time. The men across the river seem to be making bids, but the auctioneer does not seem to be taking anything.

As a matter of fact, he is repeating himself…

Something is very wrong here…

And then the voice again:

“Please stay seated at all times”

And again the music and uproar quit as if perfectly in sync with the woman’s voice. And as soon as she is done speaking… it’s back to business as usually.

But now we are being bumped from behind. Other boats, having just avoided the same terrible fate we have just escaped between the dueling ships, are running into us. One after another after another. And we are stopped because the boats in front of us are stopped as well.

What are the chances that so many of us would survive such a situation?

And then the voice:

“Stay in your boats at all times.”

Okay, lady, we get it! Trust me, I’m in no hurry to get out of my boat under the circumstances. I mean, there is truly a war happening around us.

“Stay in your boats!”

This time she means it.

D’Monk turns to me and laughs. “Do you think someone got out?”

Who can know for sure?

Suddenly, we see two teenage kids run across the bridge in front of us. What the F is going on here? They certainly did not seem to be dressed like their friends and MAN were they moving quickly. Compaired to the other pirates that is.

And then, without warning, the lights go on!

Yes! It’s true! Turns out we were not at all in the Caribbean and it was not even NIGHT TIME as we had been led to believe. As it would happen, we were ACTUALLY in what appeared to be a warehouse!

And although the music, talking, yelling, etc had stopped, the angry men from the ships had not.

They moved around ever so slowly, and ever so silently. And I can promise you this… those guys are A LOT more frightening in the light than they are in the assumed Caribbean darkness. They have CRAZY eyes and literally, they move incredibly oddly.

Well, before we know it… another man, dressed in the same uniform as the men who helped us board all that time ago, passes along the same route as the kids had. In pursuit, I’m sure.

And at this point, honestly, I’m beginning to wonder if anything is real at all…

The voice:

“Please get back in your boats- stay in your- DO NOT get out of your boats.”

“Oh God,” D’Monk says, laughing.

“Please stop running around and return to your boat.”

“Please do not do that. Please get back in your boats. Stop running. Stop running and return to your boat.”

Talk about ruining the magic.

With the lights on… the woman’s voice… and the kids running around…

I am 99% sure that these scary ship men are all just actors and they aren’t even really at war!

Consider my mind blown.

Well, needless to say, the teens either returned to their boats or were tackled by the wannabe pirate and the lights go back off and everything returns to normal in the Caribbean.

But I have to be honest… I just could not get back in the mood after that. I just doubted everything I saw from that point on. Everything really does look different by the light of day…

I mean… it’s pretty silly to think that one man could balance so many hats on his head or that an entire building could be burning around us and I wouldn’t feel any heat… I guess I should have thought of that anyway, but it was all so clear to me now…

And I had this odd suspicion that I was being watched…

I’m still not completely sure what happened to me that night… or day… but it was very strange.

And that’s why I blog…

I can’t imagine too many other people have seen the Pirate’s of the Caribbean with the lights on. 🙂